Assumptions

During some training, i found DO NOT ASSUME bit quiet interesting because the way the trainer pointed it out was interesting. Most of us might know it but if you don't here it is:

Clearly, assuming makes and ASS of U and ME.

A lot of the times, we assume that the point someone is trying to make is understood. Or we assume that the way we explained something was the most correct way of doing it. We also assume based on the looks or a person, or the job of a person. Have we ever taken a moment to stop and fully grasp the situation before assuming? Not that i know of. I am also guilty of doing the same. All of us as humans have this tendency to assume. The funniest thing i can think of is probably when someone says that "I am a doctor" or "I am a lawyer", every time i hear that i just want to respond - "No your not. You just happen to practice law or medicine".

There are certain other people who tend to assume that they are at a higher strata of life because of their job or earning potential and tend to disrespect or down down onto customer service agents, food service providers etc. The number of times i have seen people talking down on the poor waiters or servers in a restaurant, i have always wanted to get up and teach them some respect. Just because you pay for your one menu item, you don't own them. Nor do you own the restaurant. Learn some respect and compassion. Don't assume that these servers or waiters are here as your servants. Agreed that i have worked in the industry and i might feel more for them than other people, but this is just an act of humanity. There is no need to be rude to anyone, forget what they earn or what they work as. 

The truth is that we are more than what we do. In one lifetime one can be a lawyer, a doctor, an engineer and an entrepreneur all at once. I happen to know a few people who have such combinations of qualifications. They are people that have not fallen for this assumption.

Another common assumption is that of thinking having more money will solve your money problems. Ask the guy who inherited a million dollars and lost it all in a year or so whether it sorted out his problems. Knowing how to make money, make it grow and learning how to invest it wisely are part of the answer. Having more money is not the answer, but financial intelligence is the answer.

How about the assumption that having your own business is risky? Many would agree to that no doubt. Having a job is the more secure thing to do. But are you sure? If you really think about it and analyse things deeply you might find that having a secure job is actually more risky than being in business for yourself. Consider such statistics as the ones pointing to the fact that less than ten percent of retirees have enough money to look after themselves once they stop working. Isn’t that risky?

Always challenge the norm and seek out the answers for yourself. Follow no one blindly. Do nothing without first seeking to understand why. Always keep an open mind. Most importantly, believe in yourself and the fact that you are different and what you think matters more than what society says.

Life is what we make of it

Nope i am not talking about Katherine Heigl & Josh Duhamel's romantic comedy. This is more about life as we take it.. life, as we take it for granted! I always think, day in and day out... what could i have done different in my past, but never thought that life is what we make of it and today, i still have the power to change my life. 

Someone once told me not to have regrets in life, and maybe that statement did change me a bit. I learnt to appreciate every mistake i make. only by appreciating it will i learn from it. Well really, it doesn't stop there... gotta make the changes. Kind of a three step process. You make a mistake, your learn from it, you implement it and well DON'T repeat it. Sounds easy, well it aint that easy, as most of us know. We tend to make the same stupid mistakes over and over again. 

We normally take life as a given, but never understand the complication associated with it. We never tend to value what was given to us as a gift. In this day and age, we live life in such a fast pace that we forget to appreciate the small things. We tend to pile on so many responsibilities as we grow older that we forget to just stop and think. Stop and say thank you. Stop and say a simple sorry. 

Someone gave me another advise, "live everyday as if it were your last." Now that i tend to disagree a bit because i believe that this might be leading us to the end of our lives... some people live only to have a "goodtime." I used to be like that, but i realized that life needs to be valued, not just live for the good times, but also the bad. Sometimes that "fun" and "goodtimes" are the things that might lead to the end of our lives... is the little fun really worth the end of our lives?

Fulfilling Dreams

Dreams are made by our own imagination or our own desire. Over the years, i did achieve quiet a number of things that i wanted to but also failed in a lot of other things. When you dream, you tend to think that most of the things that we want from life are achievable. Might not be true, life might take a turn for better or might be for worse. I am not trying to be negative in this post, but just penning down a reality i have learnt.  

When i was young, i had a dream. I wanted to be a pilot, like most of the other young kids. But did i achieve that? Not really. The time i graduated from high school, it was the 9/11 era, where planes were not flying, pilots were being laid off, airline companies were closing or facing bankruptcy  During that time, I had a counselor who advised me to first get a degree and then apply for a PPL or CPL (private pilot's license or commercial pilot's license). I got thinking why, and he clearly explained that the retirement age for pilots is quiet early. Once i'm out of flying then i would not have anything to do. Little did i know that she might have been trying to deter me from becoming a pilot.

Then came the phase of me wanting to become a financial consultant, and there started my journey in the business school of Penn State. I was enjoying the journey, until i decided to take a job as a food server in the Penn State Commons, just to make some extra bucks. I was thrilled with the idea of working in food service. I was thrilled that a few months from starting work, voila i was a Student Supervisor. I loved every moment of it. Loved interacting with customers. There i took a plunge. I changed my major to Hotel, Restaurant and Institution Management. 

The journey ended with me having to leave the US to come back to Dubai. I still think that if i had continued in finance i would have been able to find a job in the US, and i wouldn't have been writing blogs, like i do so well. So there, but not that i regret any of it. Moving on, I found a job with the WAFI group and well spent a good 4 years with them, again enjoying every moment of it. Made great friends along the way, both in college and in my first job in Dubai. I was changing, so was my life. All of a sudden it hit me, well next up, need to find something more stable. 

Why did i narrate my life story? Well here is the point - dreams change. Some dreams that are unreachable or seem unteachable take a back seat, and we tend to make new dreams for ourselves. We adjust. And every human in every phase of life adjusts himself to the changing reality. We also make these assumptions that if i can't get this i will not do anything else. As you grow up, the reality hits you, and you are forced to change your aspirations. 

There is no one to stop us from meeting our aspirations in the new field. It might be boring as hell, but you will or you should find a way to achieve them. I have successfully turned this post into a lecture on how to think positive. And before i go more into it, i will stop right here. 

Over protective

While discussing certain issues in today's world, a friend and i stumbled upon a topic which i found to be quiet interesting to write about. Its not a topic, per say, but just a discussion subject. His views and my views were quiet different. 

We were discussing how over-protective he is about his sister, and that this should not be the case because he has all the freedom him self but his sister doesn't. When i talk of over protective brothers from India, i'm talking of the famous "no mini skirts" and the "no boyfriend" or "who was that guy with you at the mall" rules. If the brother can have a girlfriend or do whatever he wants why can't the sister. I am sure the brother is not sexist. So his response was "just because i'm over protective".

I just put a simple point across, which most of us tend to forget. The girl or guy you are going to marry is also someone's sister or brother. I'm sure their siblings are also over protective about them. So when you talk of freedom for yourself, let's see, you've indulged in a lifestyle which might not be accepted by the girl or her brother, so how do you expect that your sister would be a straight forward, good Indian girl? 

At this stage the conversation got more in depth and to discuss it here would take pages and pages of writing. So moving on, my thoughts on the topic of over protectiveness, i feel that as a person you should have control over your feelings and protectiveness. Your sister or brother does have the freedom to think for themselves, to make mistakes for themselves. A lot of you might disagree here, but being an elder brother or sister, i am sure they have also made mistakes and learnt, just like our parents. Parents give you advice on what to do and what not to do. Do we follow it? Most of the time the answer is no. 

As an older sibling, its better to give an advice to your youger sibling but then let them learn from their own mistakes, do not control their lives or put restrictions on their lives. Humans have a tendency to run away from over protectiveness, and in the long run you might lose the special bond with your sibling if you get over protective. 

Gang Rape

The latest topic of discussion, in every Indian's mind is gang rape. For those who don't know the details of what had happened in Delhi, just google and you will find millions of articles for the same. A lot has been said  in the media, but nothing has been done. Protests continue in Delhi, and honestly, this brings shame. When i think of that young girl fighting for her life, sustaining several injuries when six men in Delhi raped her and assaulted her male friend, I also want justice. And the rape was no ordinary one, these men proceeded to use and iron rod.

I am sure that quiet a number of incidents like these happen everyday in the world, but this was just a gross. Indians have been fighting for capital punishment ever since for rapists. I have not gone deep into reading about exactly what the law says about rapists and what the legal procedure is, but at some point i feel like even enforcing capital punishment, especially for these rapists, is just an easy way out. They might never be able to feel the pain and humiliation of the woman. 

My cannibalistic side says that the rapists should be tortured the way the woman was tortured. Not only physical torture but also should be publically humiliated. They should have an iron rod inserted into their bodies and left to pain. It really aggravates me when such shameful deeds happen, anywhere in the world. Capital punishment might not act as a deterrent to these people. Maybe a life long imprisonment might be a better option according to me. Let them suffer and rot in the jails instead of giving them an easy way out by killing them off.   

Moving on, rape in Delhi and neighboring Haryana is quiet common these days, and not only those two states of India, but most of India. The past few months have had media attention drawn to rape cases before this incident. More than gang rape, the incidents of rape of young women/girls has risen. The rape of a 5 year old by a temple priest, rape of a 70 year old woman by her young relative, rape by a neighbor, rape by dad and brother. 

I think that most of the rape cases are not by strangers, but mostly by close family or friends or relatives. All to often, we also hear of rape on the backward class women, or rape of the "dalit" woman. But all these cases, the rape was by someone close. So if we go ahead with the death penalty, you might find your neighbors, family and friends being hung. 

There was further talk of giving these rapists some physiological treatment once they are caught. This might work, but ultimately these men are "rapists". How can you assure that they will not do the same after they are "treated"? Think about it, when a father can rape his own daughter (and also including the brother in this un-Godly act), what's to confirm that the "treatment" would stop them from raping someone else. What goes on in their minds, we might never know. 

In this day and age of media and accessibility  i fear, i fear a lot of my niece and all the young girls/kids that i know. They will be growing up in a world where everything is out in the open, news spreads. 

Everyone wants justice, so do i. But what i fear is the outcome of these regular incidents. Its not going to deter the rapists. Its not going to change their minds.

Inner Happiness.

The title for this write up sounds like i'm about to talk about some inner peace or a form of nirvana. I'v not turned into a hippie. Not just yet. I am turning into a crazy fanatic though, living in Kuwait and most of the time alone, I have found myself listening to my inner thoughts sometimes.

Have you ever had the feeling of being scared of doing something  Even thought you know that you are right and this is right? Why should you feel scared then? Well maybe because by being mean to someone you might just offend them? Or they might not talk to you? Well, over the years i have learnt that no one really gives a damn. Sometimes to do the right thing you have to be hated but at the end of the day, "you sleep peacefully" as my ex manager used to say. A lot of things i have learnt from her about managing staff & also my personal stuff.

To find that inner happiness the easy path just doesn't work. I think the biggest weakness might be confrontational fears. Like most, i don't like confrontations but slowly i have started becoming accustomed to it. I have also learnt that once i know that i am doing the right thing, i will be happy at the end of the day. Finding a way to keep everyone happy, including yourself is mostly impossible. Someone or the other just might not like your decisions. Well cheers to that.

Some people try to go deep into the meaning of life thinking that they will achieve inner happiness once they know the meaning of their actions or the meaning of their existences  well i doubt that. According to me, if you try to over think something, you start complicating things more for yourself. If you just go by life and take things as they come without over thinking it, you might be happier and a less complicated person. What does bring inner happiness is the "unconditional love" that you give to your partners, loved ones and those around you.

For me, while playing with my nephew and niece  just spending even 5 minutes with them leads me to happiness. The minute i walk in home (in Dubai) from Kuwait that hug i get from my niece or nephew is happiness, its actually inner happiness. At least them being so young i know that they have not forgotten me and that they still like me even though i stay away from them weeks at a stretch.

 

Social Pressure

It's been more than a month since my last post, I am quiet lazy when i comes to writing in the blog. All the time i get ideas to write about, i just don't motivate myself enough to actually pen them down. 

Quiet like peer pressure, i have learnt that social pressure comes into play as you grow older and the so called "society" demands a bunch of things that have to be a certain way. Being Indian, i think it even more pressured, well since i don't know much about other cultures or societies. As a person grows older, certain responsibilities have to be completed or else the age old question "what will society think about this" comes into play. To live life, under your own terms and conditions is not allowed? I don't want to follow the stereotypical way of life, I want to live it on my own terms. What I define as stereotypical might be different from what others think so don't get me wrong. 

What i feel is that giving into social pressure just leads to stress and unnecessary depression. I have seen a lot of people who have actually given into this pressure and just lead a mundane life as dictated by the society, but as an individual, i feel that times have changed, but unfortunately most parts of the Indian society have not changed or evolved. 

The boyfriend becomes the hobby, the girlfriend becomes the hobby, the new passion, everything. I've had a lot of male friends who've drifted away because they have a new girlfriend in their lives. So much in that person, everyone falls off the planet and then you wake up one day and you realise that other person isn't all they were projecting to be and then your world crumbles, you become a modern Devdas.

Now while writing, i had just remembered what i had read from an article, and it basically sums up a part of what i am trying to say about pressure from society. If you don't have a girlfriend or boyfriend or if you don't want to get married as per the "norm", you are abnormal. Why? I chose not to par take in the "married life" experience that most of the world enjoys past 25. I also chose not to become a modern day Devdas in love. I love to chose what makes sense to me. 

"Who will take care of you when your old?" - Well this is another common question asked when you decide not to get married, well i think i'm capable enough to take care of myself. Also, knowing today's day and age and our "lifestyles" i don't think I'm gonna live past 45. Well realistically, the life expectancy has dropped right after McDees, KFC and the sort entered into our lives. I love food. Doesn't it show on my curvaceous body?

That being tackled, let's go on to the "having kids" part of life, well i love kids. I will have my own kids. Adopted. I think its a better option anyways, adoption means i'm helping out the millions of kids who are in orphanages. They deserve a better life. Obviously they would not have my DNA, but I wouldn't want to give my DNA to my offsprings anyway knowing all the illnesses and the like in my family history. Plus i'm not too good in the looks department either. 

Out of all this, as a stranger, you might assume i wanna be miserable and alone all my life, but that's also not true, if you know me enough you know where this write up is leading, if not, then you don't quiet know me yet.